Peak Performers by Tiffany Uman

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How to be assertive without being bossy

January 19, 2026

Thank you for joining my Peak Performers newsletter! Every Monday, I share practical tips and scripts to help more women win so you land the roles you want, thrive with confidence at work and grow faster.

If you’ve ever held back your true opinion in a meeting for fear of being labeled as difficult, or softened your emails to avoid sounding too demanding, you know the exhaustion of the likability trap.

For many women, the line between being a respected leader and being called bossy or aggressive often feels razor-thin, am I right?

It’s also a frustrating double standard where the same behaviors that get your male colleagues praised as decisive or natural leaders can get you sidelined as "not a team player".

According to research by Fortune, 76% of high-performing women received personality feedback (being told to be less abrasive), while only 2% of men received similar critiques in performance reviews.

This fear of the bossy label also does more than just hurt your feelings. It slows your growth. When you hesitate to speak with authority, your leaders often mistake your caution for a lack of strategic point of view.

This was a key area I supported my client on recently. She was tired of being talked over and felt her influence was fading, especially amidst an internal reorg. By owning her voice assertively, she stopped asking for permission to lead and secured her Director promotion within a few weeks of working together.

Here’s how to own your power without losing your authenticity.

3 ways to be assertive without being "bossy"

1. Lead with the headline, not the backstory

We often over-explain because we want to justify why we’re taking up space. Wrong approach.
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In most leadership circles, long preambles and wordiness can be perceived as uncertainty. Senior leaders want your conclusion first so they can process your recommendation immediately, not the other way around.

Think of it like this. Your headline is the bridge between your expertise and their attention. Keep in mind what's in it for them so they have a vested interest in what you share next. Here's a few quick examples.

When proposing a strategy pivot:

When you hit a roadblock:

When you need resources:

This respects everyone's time and signals that you’ve already done the strategic thinking. In doing so, you’re offering a solution that makes their lives easier. Win-win.

[Check out my free LinkedIn Learning nano-course How to Advocate for Yourself in Your Career]

2. Stop asking for permission to have an opinion

Too many women have been conditioned to use weaker words or modifiers like "just," "sorry," or "does that make sense?" to soften the message and avoid looking aggressive.

The problem is that these words directly diminish your credibility. Permission language like this signals that you aren't quite ready to own the outcome, instilling doubt in the eyes of decision-makers.

So, trade softening language for conviction closers that build your assertiveness and respect.

Conviction isn't about being the loudest voice in the room, contrary to what many believe. It’s about being someone others trust to handle important things well.

Pro tip: End your statements on a down note, consciously lowering your vocal pitch at the end of a sentence rather than letting it rise like a question, making you sound unsure of yourself.

This is a key focus in the role-play coaching I do with my clients so they get the gift of going second. We practice together in a safe space so they show up confidently in the moments that matter most. For example, this client stopped waiting for permission, took ownership of the conversations with her leaders and got the recognition she deserved at Amazon.

3. Turn pushback into partnership

When someone says "no", your instinct might be to retreat or get defensive.

Strategic leaders do neither because they know it could negatively impact others' perceptions of them.

Instead, they get curious. One "no" is rarely a permanent rejection but usually just a sign that a leader has a concern you haven't addressed yet. Here's a few examples to address it head on.

Ask, don't argue: Instead of pushing back immediately, assuming you know why they're resistant, ask open-ended questions to uncover the root concern and build from there.

Bring the missing link: Revisit the conversation when you have fresh data or a new success story to share. This shows you listened actively the first time and now have a more informed business case.

Leverage cross-functional wins: If leadership isn’t convinced, show them how other departments are already winning with a similar approach. Then, tie it back to how this can work for you/your team.

This approach works because you aren’t bossing anyone around. You’re helping them solve a business problem or opportunity. By connecting it back to their goals, you make it easy for them to say yes.

You've got this!

[Check out my recent video on How women with executive presence get promoted faster]

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This week’s mission: Use my 3 action steps to be assertive and build your credibility.

• Lead with the headline: Choose 1 meeting or important email. Before you speak or hit send, strip away the backstory and state your clear recommendation as the very first sentence. ​
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• Ditch the filler words: Identify and delete any unnecessary words like "just," "sorry," or "I think". Replace them with conviction words inspired from my newsletter. Practice stating your insights as facts rather than guesses to shift how leaders perceive your confidence.
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• Turn pushback into partnership: Identify 1 moment where you encounter resistance. Instead of retreating to avoid being difficult, use "What would need to change for this to become a 'yes' in your view?" to turn a potential conflict into a collaborative partnership focused on business results.

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