Peak Performers by Tiffany Uman

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3 ways to not take things personally

September 8, 2025

Thank you for joining my Peak Performers newsletter! Every Monday, we share practical tips and scripts to help you land the roles you want, thrive with confidence at work and grow faster.

As a high-achiever, chances are you’ve been your own worst critic. You work hard, set the bar high, and want every detail to reflect your best. The upside? Excellence. The downside? Taking things personally when feedback, rejection, or conflict shows up.

And it’s not just you.

Studies show women are more likely than men to internalize negative feedback and attribute mistakes to personal shortcomings rather than external factors.

That inner critic, aka. that voice that says "I should’ve known better" or "This must mean I’m not good enough", can make even routine feedback feel like a personal attack.

But here’s the truth. Most of what happens at work isn’t personal. It’s about business goals, processes, or pressures, not your worth. The real power lies in how you choose to interpret and respond.

When you shift from "What does this say about me?" to "What can I learn from this?", you build resilience, protect your confidence, and turn feedback into fuel.

Here's how.

3 strategies to leave your ego at the door

1. The art of indifference

Indifference doesn’t mean apathy. It means you care about the work you do, but don’t attach your identity to every piece of feedback.

Think of it like this:

→ When someone says "This report could be tighter", instead of "They think I’m not smart," reframe it to "They want a clearer summary. Next time I’ll cut the over-sharing of details."

→ When your idea gets passed over in a meeting, instead of "They don’t respect me," try "Maybe the timing isn’t right. How can I frame it differently next time?"

→ If a colleague snaps under pressure, instead of "They’re mad at me," think "They’re stressed and might having something else going on that I don't know about. This isn’t necessarily about me."

​One of my clients used to replay negative comments in her head for days based on things that came up at work. She would easily beat herself up about it and question her own abilities. By practicing indifference together and role-playing different scenarios with me, she built a new script. We practiced "What’s the useful 10% here, and what can I let go of?". This one shift led to more clarity and less emotional baggage.

Indifference is about prioritizing facts over feelings. It’s a skill that helps you move quickly, stay resilient, and lead without letting ego drive the narrative.

[Check out my free LinkedIn Learning nano-course How to Advocate for Yourself in Your Career]

2. Go beyond the surface

Constructive feedback can sting, especially when you take a lot of pride in your work. Instead of reacting, get curious about it to dig deeper.
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Remember that feedback is a gift. Not asking for it is never the answer. Why? The other person is still thinking what they're thinking, and you don't give yourself the chance to action it.

I've seen too many amazing women fall into that trap and it keeps them stalled in their career. So here's some of my favorite scripts you can use in the moment.

If the feedback feels vague:

If the feedback feels sudden or surprising:

If you need clarity on the next step:

When you need to add context without sounding defensive:

The beauty of this strategy is that it also goes both ways.

​I recently role-played this with a client who felt undermined by a male colleague and started taking it personally. It was chipping away at her confidence and how she showed up at work. Together, we scripted how to address it in holding her ground, clarifying the issue, and moving forward with composure. The outcome was powerful. Not only did she improve the relationship with him, she also proved to herself she could handle these moments with confidence, something she had struggled with a lot before.

3. Focus on the bigger picture

In the moment, small comments can feel like personal attacks. But when you zoom out, most feedback is about the business, not you.

Try these reframes for common situations:

→ Missed deadline: Instead of "I’m unreliable," reframe it to "This deadline slipped. What system can I put in place to prevent it happening again?". Get proactive, not just reactive.

→ Being excluded from a meeting: Instead of "They don’t value me," reframe it to "How can I add value before or after the meeting so that the next time, I'm actively considered to participate?"

→ Harsh tone from your boss: Instead of "They’re angry at me," reframe it to "They’re stressed. What’s 1 clear action I can take to ease that pressure?"

When I was at L'Oréal, I had this moment where my boss was unusually short with me. In the past, I would’ve assumed I’d done something wrong. Instead, I asked him, "Is everything alright? You seem tense which is unlike you. Anything I can help with?" He immediately opened up about a tough meeting with our VP earlier that day which was impacting his headspace. That's why he was acting like that. It had nothing to do with me. That simple question reminded me of the power of speaking up instead of internalizing.

→ Critical project feedback: Instead of "This will reflect badly on me," reframe it to "What can I learn here that strengthens my contribution next time?"

Shifting your lens from 'me' to 'we' is the true unlock. Ask yourself "How does this tie back to team goals or company priorities?" When you align your response to the bigger picture, you protect your energy and build a reputation as someone who thinks strategically.

[Check out my free LinkedIn Learning nano-course Nano Tips for Handling Difficult Work Situations]

You've got this!

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This week’s mission: Leverage these 3 action steps to stop taking things personally.

• Catch the trigger. Each time you feel yourself reacting emotionally to feedback, a comment, or a colleague’s tone, pause and write down the thought you had (for example, "They don’t value me.") This helps you spot your inner critic in action.​
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• Reframe the story. Next to that thought, rewrite it with a fact-based or big-picture reframe (for example, "They were likely stressed from another meeting" or "They want a clearer summary, not a complete redo.")
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• Test the response. In 1 real moment this week, practice responding with curiosity or clarity instead of defensiveness (for example, "Thanks for the feedback. Can you share a specific example on this so I can improve? That would be really helpful for me.")

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