Peak Performers by Tiffany Uman

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How to stop self-sabotage (and get out of your own way)

November 10, 2025

Thank you for joining my Peak Performers newsletter! Every Monday, I share practical tips and scripts to help more women win so you land the roles you want, thrive with confidence at work and grow faster.

You can be brilliant at your job, trusted by everyone around you, and still be the one holding yourself back.

For so many high-achieving women, the biggest obstacle isn’t capability. It’s self-sabotage disguised as "being realistic." Maybe you're telling yourself:

But every time you hesitate, overanalyze, or wait to feel perfectly confident before you act, you reinforce the same pattern that’s been keeping you playing small.

This is how success anxiety shows up in corporate women every day:
→ You downplay your achievements because you don’t want it to seem like you're bragging.
→ You volunteer for safe projects instead of more visible ones.
→ You convince yourself you're not ready yet, even though you’ve been ready for years.

Not addressing these patterns doesn’t just slow your growth. It convinces your leadership team that you’re content staying where you are. So let’s change that.

​For my client this past week, she finally got out of her own way and put forward an idea for her global team that she'd been putting off for months. Not only did this garner her well-deserved recognition, she's now also reinforced amazing momentum and advocacy from senior leaders influencing her progression.

Here's 3 ways to stop self-sabotage before it stops you, and move forward with confidence and clarity.

3 ways to stop self-sabotage in its tracks

1. Catch your protective patterns before they derail you

Self-sabotage may feel like protection in the moment, but in reality, it prevents you from becoming the woman you're meant to be.

Your brain is wired to keep you safe, avoid risks and not ruffle any feathers. So the moment something feels uncertain, visible, or high-stakes, it sounds the alarm.

When you notice yourself thinking:

The first step is awareness. Learn to catch those protective thoughts before they turn into inaction. Then, reframe them like this:

Here's also 3 micro-actions to pair those reframes with to take immediate action.

→ Speak up in the moment you’d normally hold back: That silence in meetings isn’t humility, it’s hesitation disguised as strategy. Replace it with a small, confident contribution.

→ Take a visible step before you feel 100% ready: Instead of preparing endlessly, focus on visible momentum.

→ Replace avoidance with accountability: When self-doubt wins, it’s usually because no one’s watching. Add light accountability that makes backing out harder than showing up.

Your courage doesn’t have to be loud. It just has to be consistent.

[Check out my free LinkedIn Learning nano-course How to Advocate For Yourself In Your Career]

2. Avoid over-control on outcomes you can’t predict

One of the most subtle forms of self-sabotage isn’t hesitation, it’s actually over-control.

When you’re scared of failing, your mindset tries to manage the risk by controlling everything:
→ You over-prepare every slide before sending it.
→ You rewrite that email 12 times.
→ You obsess over every detail so nothing can go wrong.

But here’s the thing. The more you try to control, the less flexibility you have. Over-control is your brain's way of saying, "If I can’t guarantee success, I’ll at least prevent embarrassment."

Yet in doing so, you also prevent opportunity.

Here’s 3 simple ways to start letting go strategically, without lowering your standards.
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​→ Trade perfection for progress: Your 100% effort rarely moves the needle more than 80% would, but it costs you time, energy, and visibility. Done is better than perfect.

→ Focus on influence, not control: You can’t control how others perceive your work, but you can influence how they experience your leadership.

→ Replace over-preparation with readiness rituals: Create short, repeatable habits that ground you before key work moments:

• Take 2 deep breaths before unmuting on Zoom.
• Have a 1-sentence summary of your point before meetings ("My main message here is…").
• Create a quick self-perception check: Am I rehearsing to be perfect or preparing to be present?

Letting go doesn’t mean lowering your bar. It means redirecting your energy toward what actually moves you forward.

This was exactly the case for my client last week who put her name in the running for an internal promotion. Initially, she wasn't even going to go for it. On paper, she didn't check off all the boxes and was focusing too much on the outcomes she couldn't control.

Instead, we shifted her focus on internal visibility and relationship management, interview practice, and nailed her differentiators in her storytelling. And now, she's the final candidate about to receive her offer.

[Check out my recent newsletter on Why waiting to "feel ready" keeps women stuck]

3. Create visible proof that rewires your confidence

Every moment you don’t speak up, someone else is shaping the narrative for you. And if you don't own the story of your impact, someone else will.

The fastest way to override self-sabotage isn’t with more positive thinking. It’s by creating visible proof of your value that cannot be ignored or overlooked.

Don't over explain your effort. Clearly link your work to business outcomes.
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​→ Start tracking outcomes, not activities: Keep a running list of measurable wins, no matter how small, that show progress tied to impact. These become the receipts you’ll use in reviews, promotion conversations, and 1:1s with your boss.

→ Share results as strategic updates, not self-promotion: Visibility doesn’t mean bragging. It means giving leaders the information they need to make the most informed decisions.

​This was the strategy that helped my client own her voice in a recent meeting with her Head of Operations. We role-played together to ensure her message was clear, data-driven and smooth in delivery. Now, she's received full buy-in while advocating for herself and showcasing her expertise.

→ Turn recognition into reinforcement: When you receive positive feedback or acknowledgment, capture it. A quick note, Slack message, or comment from a peer all serve as data points to level up.

This is how you shift from self-doubt to self-trust. Not by waiting for fear to disappear, but by proving that you belong exactly where you are.

You've got this!

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This week’s mission: Use my 3 simple steps to stop your self-sabotage cycle.

• Catch it. Notice 1 moment this week when you hesitated, over-prepared, or stayed quiet even though you had value to add. Write down what fear showed up for you.​
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• Interrupt it. Take 1 visible action before your mindset talks you out of it. Speak up once, send the draft early, or volunteer for something that stretches you beyond what feels familiar.
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• Prove it. Capture 1 piece of evidence that shows it worked (i.e. feedback, engagement, or even how you felt after doing it). Proof rewires confidence faster than reassurance.

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